This was the time I was
Sleeping, always asleep.
So exhausted, so sick
No fun
But I found another one
Of the thousands of reasons to
Love you.
While I sleep and hallucinate
You hold and commiserate
And gently remind me that no,
that’s your cat, not a rock.
While I was just helpless,
You were so selfless -
Not complaining, just maintaining your
Peaceful place at my side.
When I’m well or I’m ailing
Your love is unfailing
And I’m grateful, so grateful
For you.
March
(Un)welcome to the scene,
You know what I mean,
But I’m just
Caught off guard at how
Hard it really is to be
What they never wanted for theirs.
So out of place and I
Smile and nod while they
Find me quite odd.
Just me, I present it.
And really, I resent it –
See, they took it for granted that
I’d be what they want,
Kneel and bow,
Say the words and
Just bow out when
They want you back.
My convictions, disrespected
Me – not what they expected and
Rejected
While they are protected from ever
Knowing me at all.
I stand tall, not deterred,
And certainly not preferred.
And yes, I know that You
Were despised and rejected
Always forgiving, and Living
In me so that I may do the same –
All for your fame.
May I take this inconvenience
With grace and love,
And with unwavering love and respect for
The one You’ve given me.
Amen.
February
Purple dress, green vest
Standing in the kitchen
With my head on your chest and
My heavy sigh, your hazel eyes.
I’m riddled with fear, but
Not here
Where you are, because I know
You’d count my life
Worth sacrifice.
With you, it’s rarely self
Always others.
And it’s patience, and faithfulness
Humility and gentleness -
A reflection of perfection
Marred, but so discernible.
So at long last,
The first.
All this, in a kiss.
And I know that my first will be
My only
And I know that my first will
Last.
January
Never wished a warmer wish
Content to see my breath
But never feel my hands,
Until I held yours.
So the dreams I never dreamed
Come true in duty I
Can’t refuse
So much to lose
But I’d lose it all to know that I
Can’t lose you.
Reality: I can.
You’re a spoken-for man
Claimed by the demands of
A world, on the brink.
So that’s mine too,
It comes with you.
A high price for a
Man, not separable from his call.
Yes, it’s nothing or it’s
All, and
I’ll have it all.
December
Finally here,
It’s my year
To soak in that warm feeling of
Hot chocolate for two,
Me and you,
The Christmas glow,
The falling snow.
Don’t call me cliche.
It’s my day -
I’ve waded and waited through
Arrogance, inadequacy, and lies
And now I have you
By my side.
Life, past and present
All that I think poured out in ink.
And I guard it,
With as much vigor as
I should have guarded myself before.
Sit and remember.
What of November?
A glance at the scrawl,
My plea for it all,
Me and you, and
“I love you too.”
November
Oh, the tension
Dying for an intervention
A reprieve from the silence that was
Such emotional noise.
“Time to think”, he said.
As I’m swimming, I sink
In the mire and contemplation of
The outcomes “thought” can entail.
And so the past flew by as I
Remembered the probabilities that
Made it all seem so impossible.
Best friends, nothing more
But it’s great hanging out.
Nothing should change.
Foot down. I’m done.
Is it love? Or just fun?
And you chose me.
It’s a year and we’re still
Facing our fears.
You put your hand out to hold
In the cold, in the winter and we
Fell to the inevitable
Fell for each other
And the snow,
It fell for us.
October
Falling leaves and
Fading light
And you
To make me feel alright.
Somewhere in those trees,
In those hours
In all that time
I was making you
Mine.
That bitter line,
That vain attack
Had struck me and
You brought me back.
I ran from the presumption
On a providential assumption
That you’d respect what I am
And you do.
I began to see it when
My delight became your pleasure
I, your treasure
On that night,
On that hill
A wondrous thrill
City lights.
